A Special Halloween Message
October 30, 2007
posted by Shag at 1:29 PM
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Dave, My Mind Is Going...I Can Feel It
August 2, 2007
I have decided that the end of the world has officially arrived.
Here are a few indicators that I'd like you to contemplate:
1. ANOTHER REMAKE of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". Actually, this one is just called "The Invasion". Maybe Hollywood thought if they left the "Body Snatchers" part out of the title, nobody would notice that this is the THIRD FOURTH TIME in 50 years that the same movie has been made. What makes this even more bizarre is the irony involved.
A soulless replica of a movie based on the concept of soulless replicas.
 2. You won't believe what I saw last night (adding to the enormous pile of reasons that I detest television). A GMC Truck commercial, nothing extraordinary in its own right. Now, I think it's safe to assume that most of us have seen, and been at least moderately disappointed by, commercials (especially for cars) that feel the need to adopt classic rock anthems from years past in order to "relate" to the prime car-buying generation. We've heard The Who, Bob Seger, and countless others selling the rights to their songs, apparently along with their very souls, to The Man for a few bucks. It never fails to fill me with sadness and disappointment.
Last night however... my mind was utterly blown. The old Genesis classic, "Turn It On Again" was the theme music in a god damn truck commercial. Now, I ask you: Does this seem as somehow wrong and surreal to you as it did to me? Maybe when you see it for yourself, you'll understand. I am a big fan of Genesis... well, at least in the true prog-rock years (which pretty much just means the years that Peter Gabriel was still in the band), but Abacab-era, Phil Collins Genesis wasn't too bad either. A frigging truck commercial. Wow.
I have a definite feeling that someday in the not-too-distant future, we'll be seeing commercials for the new Honda Hovercar 5000, with the melodious strains of Limp Bizkit or Sir Mix-A-Lot or something, preying on our sense of nostalgia to sell us junk we don't really need. Whatever.
3. In better news, I saw "The Fountain" last night for the first time. Darren Aranofsky has yet again outdone himself. Honestly, I can't even tell you anything about the movie, it would just ruin it for you. All I ask is that you go rent or buy it as soon as humanly possible, sit back, press "play" and let your mind go swirling away.
My only problem with the movie is this: Where in the name of God can Aranofsky go from here? The guy's like, in his early 30's and has already made, in my opinion three of the most incredible movies of all time; "Pi", "Requiem For a Dream" and now this. If he continues to improve his craft, I fear it will blow my mind so badly that I shall have to spend the rest of my days in a sanitarium. That, or he'll make a film so amazing, that it will simply destroy the fabric of time and space with it's fabulousness. I'm doomed either way.Labels: consumerism, movies, music, stupidity
posted by Shag at 10:15 PM
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Roller Derby Kicks ASS!
February 11, 2007
Last night Becky and I went to the Roller Derby. If you haven't been to one, you are missing out on one of the most intense and insanely enjoyable ways to spend an evening that I can think of.
It. Kicks. ASS.
I am no sports fan by any means. I enjoy a good hockey game from time to time, but most other sports, professional or otherwise, seem to have fallen prey to the unfortunate syndrome of the modern-day participants having outgrown the rules that were crafted close to a century ago. A sort of athletic inflation, if you will.Roller Derby is quite different than anything you've seen, I guarantee. Two teams of badass women compete for points in a bout with an amazingly simple set of rules.
A bout (the overall match) is made up of three 20-minute periods. Each period is filled with 2-minute "jams" in which one member from each team (known as the "jammer") tries to pass all members of the opposing team at least once without getting blocked or knocked out of bounds. For each opposing player the jammer passes after initially taking the lead, a point is awarded. Although the blocking techniques can result in some brutal collisions and spills, there are formal rules as to how the blocking is done. Elbowing, tripping, or any sort of pushing with the hands is forbidden, and will eventually result in the offender being sent to the Penalty Box. This leaves a wide variety of techniques by which the "blockers" may prevent a jammer from passing by. Collisions with hips, full-body obstruction, and "booty blocking" (named so for obvious reasons) is allowed.  All technical explanations aside, this would be fun to watch even if you had no idea what was going on. But the rules and general gameplay are thoughtfully explained and demonstrated before each bout, for the edification of the entire audience. This is one of the excellent aspects of going to see the Boston Derby Dames play: It is an open and friendly event that can appeal to anyone. There's no inherent rivalry between teams, no anger or outrage from fans, and there's plenty of music, beer, snacks, and helpful banter from the announcers to make it virtually impossible not to have fun. Anyone who knows me will recall that when it comes to sports, I don't care. At all. In my younger days, I was a big fan of the Boston Celtics, and Larry Bird was and is my greatest all-time sports hero. But as the 80's gave way to the 90's and the domination of the sport by  players like Jordan and Shaq, I lost interest. Basketball is still a good game, but the problem is that the players have gotten too good for the rules, and eliminated much of the challenge, teamwork, and fast-paced strategic execution that used to amaze me. I still think the net should be raised one foot in order to keep the evolution of the game congruous with that of the athletes.I played Little League as a kid, and liked baseball a lot. I saw Roger Clemens pitch for the Red Sox in his rookie year, and was amazed at his skill. But in the last decade, I have soured on pro baseball as well. My gripe is that pro baseball players, like most modern-day professional athletes, have been conditioned to think that because they can throw a ball or run fast, that they are better than anyone else. The reason is money. A pro athlete today can expect to make millions of dollars a year, be considered a priveleged celebrity, and, in extreme cases, be the stars of bad films, rap albums, and outrageously high-paying product endorsements. I have never felt that athletes should be comparable with movie stars. Actually, I don't even think movie stars should be treated like movie stars. The word "professional" implies that you do what you do because it's your job, not because it makes you a superstar millionaire. Do I sound bitter and jealous? Think what you want, because I'm not. I will be the first person to encourage people to seek out employment that they will enjoy for the rest of their lives, and if you happen to make millions doing it, more power to you. My issue is that professional sports, along with acting, singing, and other hyper-glorified professions, project standards and aspirations to the average person that are unreasonable, misleading, and loaded with almost certain disappointment.  But all that is a topic for another day. Back to the point, seeing a Derby bout is fun and family-friendly, in the same sense as going to a minor-league baseball game would be. The tickets are inexpensive, and you can't help but be swept up by the fast-paced action and intensity of each jam. It's a relatively low-to-no-frills event, there are no cheerleaders or celebrities singing the National Anthem. Certainly there are merchandise sales, advertisements, and contests, in a sense. But it's all very down-to-earth; Advertisements come from local sponsors (largely roller-skating rinks), merchandise is reasonably-priced. In my opinion, Roller Derby is to sports what punk rock is to music. Its own existence is a statement in and of itself. It really doesn't matter how great you are, who wins or loses. Stripped down, simplified, and a venue not only to perform, but to simultaneously and expressively be yourself and reinvent your own image and personality. Skaters, referees, and even the announcers sport descriptive aliases that sound like something out of professional wrestling-meets-Mad Max. Oh, and don't be intimidated by all the Bettie Bangs, tattoos, fishnet stockings, and piercings. You don't have to shop at Hot Topic to enjoy a Roller Derby. It's not a rave or a poetry slam, but a simple and straightforward sport that has evolved into the perfect athletic outlet for the modern young woman (especially the modern young woman with a colorful name like Goldiboxx, Maura Buse, or Wanda Whipya). Flat-track Roller Derby got its start in the 1930's, originally designed as a simple length-based race around a track. Inevitably, collisions and inadvertent injury ensued much to the excitement of the audience (who, I imagine, would otherwise have been bored to tears), and the concept was reimagined as a co-ed contest with the same basic rules as are used today.  Roller Derby never really caught on as a major sport, but enjoyed spikes of popularity in the 1950's, 1970's, and of course, in the 1990's on the now-defunct TNN's "Rollerjam". (TNN is now Spike TV, and is basically a televised version of Maxim Magazine. It's no surprise that sweaty short-skirted roller-chicks crashing into each other was a precursor to what the station is today.) The national Derby league that includes last night's Boston Derby Dames is called the Women's Flat Track Derby Association. It is primarily owned, operated, regulated, and moderated by the skaters themselves. In a world where corporations pay millions to put their name on a home run or instant replay, this is impressive to me. The whole enterprise is a refreshing and engrossing pastime, and I certainly intend to go to as many bouts as possible as they are announced. If there's a WFTDA team near you, I demand that you go check it out at once. Here are some photos from last night's bout between the Boston Massacre and the Philadelphia Liberty Belles, themed "Slaughters of the Revolution!". (Sorry about the quality, it was very dark at the venue.) Labels: movies, photos, sports
posted by Shag at 5:52 PM
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Groundhog Day
February 2, 2007
Is it "Groundhog" or "Groundhog's" day? I never really knew for sure.
Anyway, this day is kind of a bizarre and pointless tradition, but this year ol' Phil has predicted an early Spring for the first time I can remember. I wonder if this has anything to do with global warming?
Ok well, it may be a silly day and a silly tradition, but the movie of the same name is one of my all-time favorites. Here's a politicized spoof by Tom Tomorrow. Enjoy!Labels: comics, humor, movies
posted by Shag at 2:51 PM
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